Been Awhile But I am Still Doing Great

This is becoming my mantra.  I thank God everyday that I made it through without being tempted to go back to smoking.

I thank Him for my wonderful support system, My mom, Camber, Allison, Clara, all my wonderful friends on Facebook with all the encouraging words.  

I thank Him for helping me to inspire someone else to quit as well and I wish him all the luck in the world and hope he knows he can contact me anytime if he is feeling weak.

I love my family, my friends, and my life.

Things are changing and crossing my fingers that the Face to Face interview Thursday goes well.  This will mean more time with Camber.  Better pay, Holidays off to spend with her instead of looking for a sitter to watch her.  So I will Pray tonight that He will guide me where He thinks I need to go.

Ok well as you all know I WAS on Chantix.  I am not anymore. It has been 4 days since I last took it and I am doing great even better than great.

I did not stop taking it because of bad thoughts, or dreams or anything that is listed as a side effect I stopped taking it because I wanted to see if I could continue on my own with out the crutch of a pill to carry me along.

So with support and Prayer I am going strong and doing fine in fact:

Woop woop!

I am proud of myself and all that I can accomplish!

I can not wait to reveal all that God has blessed my family with but that will have to wait, I don't want to count them all too soon, one lets say maybe the new job, and I will be greateful for your prayers in the matter as well.

Well I will leave you all with that and I will post again soon as I can share all the good things in my life.

oh new pic of me:

Love always,

Still Going Strong

I know it has been a while since I posted, I was having a few bad days.

We figured out that I can not take the Higher dose of Chantix so I am sticking with the 1 mg a day and I am doing great on it!

I will be honest I got really depressed and emotional and we caught it really early.  I am perfectly okay now I feel great I still get upset at times, but I was already Bi-Polar to start with it is just learning how to deal with the ups and downs again and I am a lot better now.

Work is work, at least everyone knows I am not smoking and no one asks me for cigarettes anymore or even offers them to me.  For that Girls at work I  THANK YOU!  

Home life is okay there are things I want to be able to change but can not but that was the same when I was smoking, I just have to build and bridge and get over it or find a new way around it.

I am still looking for another job and I really hope that the phone interview I had yesterday will produce wonderful results!  Crossing my fingers and praying every night since!

Camber is Camber and will always be my "Little Princess".  Mom is as usual working too hard and I wish I could help take some of her stress from work away for her but I cannot fix her problems anymore than I can fix mine.  Maybe I will help her build a bridge to get over her issues too.  

I am staying as positive as I can and I honestly think I am doing great at this I have not cheated though many times I could have, something keeps telling me you really don't wanna do that it is not going to fix the situation that has you stressed, take a deep breath and try again.

That is all for tonight I will try and be more consistent with my posts, and if you actually read this I promise again I am fine 100% better on the lower dose of medication.

Love always,

Yesterday SMH

Yesterday was the hardest, I struggled with myself all day and was up most of the evening.  But I still made it thru with out giving in.  Although at moments it felt like that would be the easiest thing to do, go outside and smoke.  I just cried and let it out I was so upset with myself I could not even pray for myself I know that God did hear me though he knew I was struggling and he did not let me give in, he did however calm my heart and allow me to sleep so I could wake up and start fresh again.

This morning was a little better had a bit of a headache from being up so late but sat in the living room to wake for Camber to wake up.  As soon as she came out of the room she ran down the hall and jumped in the recliner with me and cuddled for a little while, Oh how i needed that and enjoyed it so much!  It is like she knew mommy had a bad night.  I love her so much and I am now looking into dance and gymnastics for her that is what I want to put the money I am saving from not smoking toward.  I want to give her something that I know I will not take back by going back to smoking,  I know she will enjoy dance she loves doing it at home, in stores, at friends houses, just about anywhere she hears music.  And gymnastics my goodness the child is always hanging upside down and jumping and tumbling around.  I just wanted to post as to why I didn't last night I was not in a good place but I am better now.  Got work at 11:30 hope it is busy.

Quit Day

I have successfully gone 24 hours with no smoking.  I had a lot of moments of weakness, shed a few tears, got extremely aggravated.  But somehow I made it thru.  I feel bad that my brother and sister-in-law had to witness it.

We all tried to keep busy today with going to the flea market with Camber and then lunch and grocery shopping then coming home to cook dinner together and then playing bubba's duck hunt game on wii.

I go to work in the morning it will be my first day at work with out cigarettes.  I will pray tonight for an easy day although mostly if I am busy at work I do not even think about smoking, it is not until I hit the parking lot that I light up.

I am now at 2 mg of chantix a day, it seems to help some but like I said still had some weak moments where I really wanted to light up.  Took deep breaths and walked away if that was what was needed or chewed gum I am finding Big Red is helping alot :) well I suppose I need to post on Camber's blog about our adventures today so I will go for now.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers I really want to succeed this time!

Love always 

Jenn

Day Six/Day Five

Sorry no post for yesterday I was honestly not in the mood to post and was enjoying time with Camber.

Well Tommrow is quit day and upping the dose to 1 mg twice a day.

Still no dreams to report as of yet and moodiness not really a factor I still feel like myself and still act like myself.

We will have company arriving today so I am spending the day Blogging and cleaning about to eat some lunch now and then finish the bathrooms so all I have left will be to Vacuum the house.

I can't wait to see my little brother and my sister in law again it has been too long!

Also Saturday is their 5 year anniversary so Congrats to them and may there be many more happy years for you to come.

I feel I am doing really good on this journey, mom bought our last pack of cigarettes last night and she bought the cheapest yuckiest ones I have ever had lol good call mom I am not smoking them as much as I usually do.

Well until later guys

Day Five

So today is one of my days off this week, and I would normally smoke a lot more than I have today.  Which I am considering a good thing right now.

I am finding that they taste pretty bad now and when I do light up I find myself looking at the cigarette thinking why did I light you?

Still no bad or weird dreams, I am however sleeping lightly than usual, I found myself waking up several times last night to sounds of the house.

At least that will go away after I am done with the program.  Camber is at school on this beautiful fall-feeling day, her grandma is going to pick her up from school for a grandma/granddaughter day.  Camber really looks forward to these days with her.

I can say all in all that my little family may not be perfect but somehow and someway we make it work and all try to get along for the good of Camber.  And I am grateful to everyone who is in my life.

I do know however I will be needing everyone's support soon as I get closer and closer to September 15th.  One of the sites that I am reading has a great tip, to have a support buddie on speed dial for when you get the urge to smoke to call them and have them talk you down and remind  you why you are doing this and how proud they are of you.  So with that being said who wants to be my support buddie?

Well off for now gonna get dinner started soon 

Later

Day Four Part 2

Today at work sucked, it was really slow didn't make a lot of money.  I guess the next step in taking control of my life will be finding a better job.

I want to be able to do more with Camber, I would love to have weekends off to spend with her but that is not a deal breaker on a job.

I want to have the extra money to spend on maybe dance class for her or Gymnastics, something that she would love to do once or twice a week.

Maybe with not smoking the money I spent on cigarettes can go toward that or a family vacation for her.

I know I want to go back to school, I want to become an RN or specialize in a field of healthcare.  I know I will be able to do this soon as I get a different job with better hours.

I do love the fact that I am home every night right now and can cook dinner for Camber.  I love tucking her into bed every night and being able to kiss her and say bedtime prayers.  

I just want a better life for both of us, one where I am not struggling and living paycheck to non existent paycheck.  

I will keep praying everynight and keep trying until I accomplish my goals short term and long term.

Sorry for the long post I just had to get this all off my chest.

Later all!