Yesterday was the hardest, I struggled with myself all day and was up most of the evening. But I still made it thru with out giving in. Although at moments it felt like that would be the easiest thing to do, go outside and smoke. I just cried and let it out I was so upset with myself I could not even pray for myself I know that God did hear me though he knew I was struggling and he did not let me give in, he did however calm my heart and allow me to sleep so I could wake up and start fresh again.
This morning was a little better had a bit of a headache from being up so late but sat in the living room to wake for Camber to wake up. As soon as she came out of the room she ran down the hall and jumped in the recliner with me and cuddled for a little while, Oh how i needed that and enjoyed it so much! It is like she knew mommy had a bad night. I love her so much and I am now looking into dance and gymnastics for her that is what I want to put the money I am saving from not smoking toward. I want to give her something that I know I will not take back by going back to smoking, I know she will enjoy dance she loves doing it at home, in stores, at friends houses, just about anywhere she hears music. And gymnastics my goodness the child is always hanging upside down and jumping and tumbling around. I just wanted to post as to why I didn't last night I was not in a good place but I am better now. Got work at 11:30 hope it is busy.
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